Back to the real world!

Well it seems like just yesterday I was writing about the beginning of summer and now in what seems like a blink of the eye summer is almost over. It is now the 27^th of august and my kids go back to school next Tuesday! It’s crazy, but I feel like summer goes back quicker and quicker each year.

 Did you do everything you wanted to this summer? I know I didn’t! We were very busy, like usual! So I feel like I didn’t get enough time just at home with my family. You know reading in the backyard and being lazy while the kids play in the pool. Those types of days. We really didn’t go anywhere this summer either. After 3 weeks in the trailer this spring we felt that we had spent enough time on the road for one year so we planned to have a stay at home summer. We did take the trailer out twice, plus had friends borrow it for a few days and we had company stay in it for a week, so it still got plenty of use.

So if we didn’t spend the summer camping, how exactly did we spend it? Well, June and July was spent doing a lot of projects. We worked in our backyard many weekends, trying to make it look nice. August started out with having company and then from there on just flew by with b2s preparations and church and finally VBS this last week. We our currently spending this last weekend of Aug in the beautiful Rocky Mountains. One of my favourite places in the world.  I love stepping outside and seeing the magnificent mountains all around. This spring we took a 3 week road trip through, Montana all the way down to Arizona and then into California and up through B.C. We spent 3 weeks looking at different types of mountains but nothing compares to coming home to the Rocky’s! What’s your favourite place to be?

Are you someone who looks forward to the beginning of a new school year? I say this presuming most of my readers are moms, if you’re not a mom I’d be interested in knowing what part of the year is your favourite? I enjoy summer or when the kids aren’t in school. I enjoy being able to have more flexibilities and to be able to sleep in some days. But I do enjoy the routine that b2s brings to our life. Although I don’t like getting up at 7, it does make my day a lot more productive when I’m ready by 8, instead of the days I sleep in.

This year will be my oldest daughter last year in her current school. It’s seems crazy that they go to middle school in grade 6, but that’s what happens where we live. My middle daughter is going into grade 2. I’m curious how she will do with a new teacher? She’s often resistant to change and loved her grade one teacher a lot. My youngest daughter won’t be in school at all, she is old enough for kindergarten this year, but since her birthday is at the end of November I’m going to keep her home one more year. I’m planning on doing some preschool type activities with her this year since she really would like to go to school like her sisters do. Sometimes it’s hard being the youngest! Though, this is actually the first year she’s upset about being left at home. Most year’s by the time school starts again she can’t wait for her sister’s to leave so she can have all the toys to herself again!

Red zone reaction!

What’s your anxiety red zone? First let’s define a red zone. It’s what you do when you are panicking. There are 3 different types of zones. First is the green zone, that when everything is normal and all is well. Second is yellow, that’s when things aren’t quite as normal and you are starting to feel uncomfortable. Third is red, and that’s when things are out of control and you no longer are ok!

Now just like zones there are 3 different types of response to a red zone situation. First is flight, pretty much which means you run away from the situation. Second is fight, which means you start there and face the situation and fight whatever the situation is. This might be physical or verbal fighting. The third type of red zone reaction is freeze, this means your body goes into shut down mode. For some people that can mean literally freezing, so they can’t respond or move, for other’s it can mean they become passive and compliment even though they aren’t ok with the situation around them.

Now for myself I am a flight person. When I’m in a situation where I’m in my red zone, the only thing I can think about it running away, far, far away. When I was little and I would get into a fight with my parents I would run out into the field and I had a special spot where I would sit and think and eventually calm down. I think the reason I run is because during times of red zone I can’t think clearly my brain is all jumbled up and I need to get away. I need to be somewhere where I am alone and it is quiet. This was also the situation when my husband and I were first married. When we would argue or disagree I would need to leave. Now since I no longer lived on my childhood farm, I couldn’t go and think in my usual spot, but I found going to a walk had the same effect. It wouldn’t take long and my thoughts would become clearer and my judgement would become more logical. Now as a productive adult I know I can’t run away from all situations that I don’t like, so I’ve learned to adjust. But inside I still want to run! As I get older I also find that I'm in unpredictable situations less and less so I don't often get into a red zone situation. 

Now for my children now of them have got the flight instinct like I do. My older two are fighters. When they hit there red zone they yell scream and fight! My oldest daughter is physical fighter, when she hits her red zone area she wants to hurt whatever is making her uncomfortable in the current situation. My second daughter is more of an emotional fighter she’s going to cry and yell at the situation rather than try and hit you.

My youngest daughter is a freezer. Her red zone is the easiest to deal with because she just becomes this compliant, well behaved, quiet girl. But recently we were in a situation I could tell she was scared, but since she is just so compliant when she’s in her red zone, when I asked if it was ok for me to leave she replied yes and then I left. Later that day I was thinking about her reaction and was wondering if maybe it’s not healthy to ignore her emotions just because she’s not forcing you to deal with them because she’s so quiet. So the next day we had the same situation, but when she replied that she was ok, I asked her again and on the second questioning she started to cry and said no. So we talked about it a bit and I stayed with her until she was comfortable enough for me to leave.

What’s your default red zone? How do you deal with your children with their red zone response?

My anxiety moment!

What do you do as a parent your kids don’t need you anymore. I’ve been watching a show on Netflix called A Typical, it’s been an interesting show to watch. It’s about a family who has a child on the spectrum and now the kids are partly grown and the mom is trying to figure herself out now that her kids don’t need her as much anymore. It makes me think what will I do when my kids are older and don’t need me. They already don't need me as much as they used too. I don't need to feed them or dress them. The older two can go to school by themselves. They are my whole life! They have become my whole identity. I don’t have a career, all my friends have kids my friends age and I wonder sometimes if they didn’t have kids would we still be friends.

How do you become your own person again? How do you know who you truly are without your kids?

The whole concept of my kids growing up and not needing me anymore scares me more then I’d like to admit.

A couple days ago I posted about my middle daughters anxiety and this is one of mine. It makes me so scared I wish it didn’t.

Please share your anxiety trails. How did you overcome them? How old are children? How have you dealt with them being less dependent on you?

Anxious Moments

We had an incident last night and I thought I wonder how other people deal with this? So my middle daughter needed to take a pill last night and although she has taken this pill before without issues, there was anxiety about it because it had been a few months since the last time she took it.

 

So here’s the situation. I call her upstairs and as soon as she realizes that I’ve asked her to come upstairs because she needed to take a pill she started to get upset and cry. Now originally when she started these pills we had similar issues and spent a few days struggling with her to take them. Eventually she overcame her anxiety and learned that it wasn’t so bad. Well that was a while ago and it made yesterday like starting from scratch. She was so anxious about taking her pill that she worked herself into complete panic mode. I tried everything that I could think of to help her. I tried being logical, explaining that she had done it before therefore it wouldn’t be hard. It didn’t help. I tried reassuring her by talking to her calmly and that didn’t help. I tried asking her why she was so nervous about this, and although she answered me it didn’t help her take the pill. I tried building her up by telling her I knew she could do it and tried to get her to tell herself that she could do it. She did that, between sobs of tears. I tried counting down from five, saying that on one she would take the pill, she didn’t. I tried getting tough with her and telling her to just do it already!  I even tried bribing her. But nothing seemed to work. She was so upset and scared and she actually made herself dizzy. At this point she hadn’t even got to the point of putting the pill in her mouth for fear of failing.

Now although I seemed fairly calm from any observers point of view I was going crazy inside. Because how could she be upset over something so simple, especially something we had concurred before. But since I know anxiety isn't something rational I did my best to keep my thoughts inside! 

After what seemed to be far too long, she did put the pill in her mouth and swallowed it on the first try, therefor proving my point that it wasn’t going to be a big deal and she therefore could do it.

So in conclusion, do you have children who battle anxiety over particular tasks? What have you found has helped them overcome their fears?

God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears! Psalm 34:4