Less Sad Goodbye's

Well in the last 5 months we have made another small child apart of our family, and already we've said goodbye to her. 

It’s been a crazy 5 months. This particular little one has been sick or teething for most of the winter and the other little one we added to our ranks a little while later has followed suit. So spent a good part of the first two months of 2019 being cooped up in our house. This made for a rough couple of months. 

Now many of you have read post from similar bloggers like myself talking about how hard it is to let a placement go. But maybe you haven’t heard about the ones that are easier to let go. We foster parents don’t talk about the ones that we have a hard time attaching too. The ones that don’t jive with our family. Unfortunately this little sweetheart was one of those. She was adorable and had the best personality when we were out, but at home when it was just us it was hard, and that made it hard on everyone. So when I got the call that she was leaving us, I wasn’t sad. I immediately started thinking and planning the move as it was short notice.  The person who delivered the news kept asking me what I needed and all I could think about was how I needed to start packing.  How the play house I bought wasn’t going to fit into the vehicle that would be picking her up. How that the time between when the call ended and when she’d need to go home was very busy family schedule was packed and now I needed to add one more thing to my list of things to do. Not once did I think about how this was going to change our life or how her leaving would impact our daily life. I hung up the phone and immediately ran off with one of our kids, to an afterschool activity and then to next, then ran home to scarfed down some supper. Then I had 15 minutes to spare before we had to rush off again. I immediately went into her room and started packing. I started putting together boxes and pulling her belonging out of the dresser  and as I grabbed a hand full of her pajamas, suddenly I got hit with a wave of sadness. Sadness that this little sweetheart would not living with us anymore. Sadness for my own children who would miss her.  And in my sadness I felt guilty, why guilty you ask? I felt guilty because this is a happy moment. This is how it’s all supposed to be. This was a best case scenario, it all worked the way it’s planned. But it was still sudden and unplanned and it’s sad. 

The next day I finish packing all her things, make the final arrangements. I keep myself busy, busy meant I wasn't thinking and thinking meant I wasn't feeling. Then the moment happened, it’s time for her to go. I hand her off, she squeals in excitement at the sight of her family. We pack all her things in the vehicle. Her family shakes my hand and thanks me for being there for her and then they take her and go. I can feel the emotions swelling up and I say my final words to her family. I keep it under control, I think I have to.  After they drive away I sit down, relaxing for the first time since hearing the news, and really think. I let the emotions come over me, these emotions aren’t huge every changing emotions, but calmer, just a swell of sadness from deep inside me. I let myself sit in my emotions for the next little bit. 

So if you see a parent who takes in other peoples children when they need a place to stay, and they have recently said goodbye to one of their little ones, always remember that no matter how easy of a goodbye they say it was, it's still a goodbye. They are still loosing someone who was apart of their family for a time and no matter how it happens it's always hard to stay goodbye to a part of your family!!