Well in the last 5 months we have made another small child apart of our
family, and already we've said goodbye to her.
It’s been a crazy 5 months. This particular
little one has been sick or teething for most of the winter and the other little
one we added to our ranks a little while later has followed suit. So spent a
good part of the first two months of 2019 being cooped up in our house. This
made for a rough couple of months.
Now many of you have read post from similar
bloggers like myself talking about how hard it is to let a placement go. But
maybe you haven’t heard about the ones that are easier to let go. We foster
parents don’t talk about the ones that we have a hard time attaching too. The
ones that don’t jive with our family. Unfortunately this little sweetheart was
one of those. She was adorable and had the best personality when we were out,
but at home when it was just us it was hard, and that made it hard on everyone.
So when I got the call that she was leaving us, I wasn’t sad. I immediately
started thinking and planning the move as it was short notice. The person who delivered the news kept asking
me what I needed and all I could think about was how I needed to start packing. How the play house I bought wasn’t going to
fit into the vehicle that would be picking her up. How that the time between
when the call ended and when she’d need to go home was very busy family
schedule was packed and now I needed to add one more thing to my list of things
to do. Not once did I think about how this was going to change our life or how
her leaving would impact our daily life. I hung up the phone and immediately ran
off with one of our kids, to an afterschool activity and then to next, then ran
home to scarfed down some supper. Then I had 15 minutes to spare before we had
to rush off again. I immediately went into her room and started packing. I
started putting together boxes and pulling her belonging out of the dresser and as I grabbed a hand full of her pajamas, suddenly I got hit with a wave of sadness. Sadness that this little sweetheart
would not living with us anymore. Sadness for my own children who would miss
her. And in my sadness I felt guilty,
why guilty you ask? I felt guilty because this is a happy moment. This is how
it’s all supposed to be. This was a best case scenario, it all worked the way
it’s planned. But it was still sudden and unplanned and it’s sad.
The next day I
finish packing all her things, make the final arrangements. I keep myself busy, busy meant I wasn't thinking and thinking meant I wasn't feeling. Then the moment happened, it’s time for her to go. I hand her off, she squeals in excitement at the sight of her family. We pack all her things in
the vehicle. Her family shakes my hand and thanks me for being there for her
and then they take her and go. I can feel the emotions swelling up and I say my
final words to her family. I keep it under control, I think I have to. After they drive away I sit
down, relaxing for the first time since hearing the news, and really think. I
let the emotions come over me, these emotions aren’t huge every changing
emotions, but calmer, just a swell of sadness from deep inside me. I let myself
sit in my emotions for the next little bit.
So if you see a parent who takes in other peoples children when they need a place to stay, and they have recently said goodbye to one of their little ones, always remember that no matter how easy of a goodbye they say it was, it's still a goodbye. They are still loosing someone who was apart of their family for a time and no matter how it happens it's always hard to stay goodbye to a part of your family!!
