No Thoughts, turn into deep thoughts!

I haven’t had a lot of thoughts on my mind of late. Things here have been busy. I’ve worked a lot of days and spent the weekend being busier then I’d like. What are some things you like to do on weekends? I’d rather spend my weekends at home being lazy, but some members of my family would rather go out, so a lot of times we go out. This weekend was no exception! We spent most of the weekend out between family, church and then a date day. Which was so nice, but was still out. I’m 97% introverted according to a test I took, which just means I need more time to recharge then even  other introverts do. This becomes hard when a couple members of my family are extroverted and want to be out a lot of the time, plus with 3 kids lives makes life very busy. Thankfully unlike some introverts I am able to recharge at home with my family, I don’t need to be completely alone. Are you introverted or extroverted? Do you need to spend time alone or would you rather be out with other people? I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last few months. I took a personality test that splits people into 16 different personality types and although I was skeptical at first after I finished the test I couldn’t believe how accurate it was. It classified me as an ISFJ. The ‘I’ stands for Introverted, ‘S’ for Sensing, ‘F’ for Feeling and ‘J’ for Judging.

      Here’s a break down for all the different combinations:  

Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I),

their preference of one of the two functions of perception:

      Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N),

and their preference of one of the two functions of judging:

      Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)

The three areas of preferences introduced by Jung are dichotomies (i.e. bipolar dimensions where each pole represents a different preference). Jung also proposed that in a person one of the four functions above is dominant – either a function of perception or a function of judging. Isabel Briggs Myers, a researcher and practitioner of Jung’s theory, proposed to see the judging-perceiving relationship as a fourth dichotomy influencing personality type [Briggs Myers, 1980]:

      Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)

The first criterion, Extraversion – Introversion, signifies the source and direction of a person’s energy expression. An extravert’s source and direction of energy expression is mainly in the external world, while an introvert has a source of energy mainly in their own internal world.

The second criterion, Sensing – Intuition, represents the method by which someone perceives information. Sensing means that a person mainly believes information he or she receives directly from the external world. Intuition means that a person believes mainly information he or she receives from the internal or imaginative world.

The third criterion, Thinking – Feeling, represents how a person processes information. Thinking means that a person makes a decision mainly through logic. Feeling means that, as a rule, he or she makes a decision based on emotion, i.e. based on what they feel they should do.

The fourth criterion, Judging – Perceiving, reflects how a person implements the information he or she has processed. Judging means that a person organizes all of his life events and, as a rule, sticks to his plans. Perceiving means that he or she is inclined to improvise and explore alternative options.

A glimpse of all 16 different personality types

All possible permutations of preferences in the 4 dichotomies above yield 16 different combinations, or personality types, representing which of the two poles in each of the four dichotomies dominates in a person, thus defining 16 different personality types. Each personality type can be assigned a 4 letter acronym of corresponding combination of preferences: Reference Link

Are you interested which type you are? From reading the descriptions do you already have an idea? Here's a link to take the test free. It only takes about 12 minutes. MBTI Test 

Some fun random facts about my personality type:

Celebrities who share this type with me: From history we have a few, but these 3 stood out to me the most, Mother Teresa, George W. Bush, Rosa Parks. More current famous ISFJ's are, Bruce Willis, Halle Berry, Kate Middleton, just to name a few. 

ISFJ's as a whole we are shy and reserved. We generally take life to seriously. We are very loyal and devoted. It's said we are the behind-the-scene "glue" for organizations and groups. We are knowns for remembering specifics, names and faces. We are caring, sympathetic and want to help but do not need the kudos. We may even be suspicious of those who try to confer compliments on us. 

Did you take the test? If you did comment with what type you are. This has become a great interest for me and I've learned many things about myself through the exploration of my type and would love to know more about the types of people who read my blog. 

Mom with ADHD?

Today as I drink my morning coffee I think once again about myself. There has been a lot of self-reflection lately. This morning’s thoughts are about my intelligence. I’ve never thought I was very smart, in fact most of my life I thought I was downright stupid. Not because I was told that, just because that’s how I felt. I was average in school, but I struggled. I had a hard time concentrating on what my teacher’s said and an even harder time during tests. I found I could only concentrate for no more than 20 minutes or so during a test. This is why I felt stupid. I presumed that because I just wasn’t smart enough to concentrate like other people did, or like I was supposed too. 

It wasn’t until a couple of years ago when doing research on ADHD did I realize that I very likely had trouble in school and in work because I had this condition. What, You say? Isn't ADHD some kids have? Isn’t ADHD those kids in school who are bouncing off the walls? Yes it is, but it’s also a lot of other things! So to explain these other things first I need to explain what ADHD is exactly. So simply ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. So the kids who were bouncing off the walls in school that’s the hyperactivity part of the disorder. But there are so many other elements to it. Here is what wedmd has to say about ADHD Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) affects children and teens and can continue into adulthood. ADHD is the most commonly diagnosed mental disorder of children. Children with ADHD may be hyperactive and unable control their impulses. Or they may have trouble paying attention. These behaviors interfere with school and home life. It’s more common in boys than in girls. It’s usually discovered during the early school years, when a child begins to have problems paying attention. Adults with ADHD may have trouble managing time, being organized, setting goals, and holding down a job. They may also have problems with relationships, self-esteem, and addiction. Reference Link

So the most common symptom of ADHD is the hyperactivity, those are the kids in school who couldn’t sit still and were bouncing off the walls. Those are the kids most likely to get diagnosed. The second most common symptom is Inattention. This means a child is easily distracted, can’t follow directions or makes mistakes, lose things and tends to daydream, just to name a few. The next symptom is impulsivity, which means a child has trouble waiting for his or her turn, interrupts or blurts things out. Now this simply is the most common symptoms and usually this shows up in boys. Girls with ADHD display their symptoms much differently.

20 Possible Signs of ADHD in Girls

1. Difficulty maintaining focus, easily distracted 
2. Shifting focus from one activity to another difficult one
3. Disorganized and messy (in her appearance and physical space)
4. Forgetful 
5. Problems completing tasks 
6. Daydreaming and in a world of her own 
7. Takes time to process information and directions (It may even appear that she doesn't hear you) 
8. Looks to be making "careless" mistakes
9. Often late (poor time management) 
10. Hyper-talkative (Always has lots to say but is not good at listening)
11. Hyperactivity
12. Verbally impulsive; blurts out and interrupts others
13. Seems to get easily upset 
14. Highly  sensitive to noise, fabrics, and emotions
15. Doesn’t seem motivated
16. Doesn’t appear to be trying 
17. Seems shy
18. Appears withdrawn
19. Cries easily
20. Might often slam her doors shut (Reference Link)  I feel that added to this list should be feeling of inadequacy and self doubt

So as I read this list I think about how I was in school. Many of these items apply to me then and now still. So what does this mean? Well first of all it means I’m not actually as dumb as I thought. It also means that I may have to change try different things in order to accomplish what a ‘normal’ person can do. I read a great article about how to cope with ADHD, the article was called secrets of your ADHD brain. Reference Link In the article she explains that in her research she discovered that people with ADHD have a unique and special creation that regulates attention and emotions in different ways than the nervous system in those with the condition. She explains that because of this people with ADHD need to figure out what does motivate them and then try and apply it to the areas of their lives that are lacking motivation. For me I’m motivated by what I feel is required of me. So I only clean my house when company comes over because I think that’s what they expect. In a job situation I’m motivated by a boss who appreciates my job and lets me know. I’m also motivated by a job that is activates my brain. She also said that people with ADHD have been found to have a higher IQ on average. So that led me to look for an IQ test. Like I said before in school I thought I was stupid, now that I know that’s not the case, I was curious what my IQ was actually. So that led me to find a short IQ test to see where I actually fall. I couldn’t believe my results. According to this test I took I have an IQ of 124, which means I’m gifted. This was a huge shock. I don’t feel smart still, but maybe that’s the self-doubt of having to deal with ADHD most of my life has instilled in my brain. Free IQ Test

I have learned more about myself in my 32 year of life then in all the other 31 years combined. It’s crazy what a little research will find, and when you think you’re just broken actually might be that there’s a medical reason for all of it.

Mom Guilt!

Mom Guilt! It's an awful feeling. Have you ever experienced mom guilt? If so how did you get over it? Read my post below to understand about my Mom guilt! 

We had an incident in our house the other day and it left me feeling like the worst mom ever. One of our children got

left behind, completely unintentionally. The worst part was that we didn’t even realize that she wasn’t with the rest of us for far too long. Has anything like this happened to you before? It was the worst feeling in the world realizing that my child had been gone and I didn’t notice. Now I feel awful and I was to give her anything she asks for! I don’t want to let her out of my sight, not even for a second. I feel so guilty! My child seems relatively unaffected by the incident, yes she was scared, but seems ok now. I keep telling myself this but I still feel guilty. I’ve always been a highly sensitive person and always take things to heart more then I should. But I don’t know how to get over this feeling. I wish I could go back and change it so she was never left in the first place but I can’t. I know I can’t! I also know that what’s done is done and there’s no changing it, and if I give in to her every wish because of this incident that I’m not going to be able to remain strong with her sisters.  What have you done in the past as a parent that you’ve regretted? How did you get over feeling like you were the worst parent that ever lived? I suppose time is probably the best medicine in this case but at the moment it’s still very fresh still. My child has forgiven me, and now I just have to figure out how to forgive myself.

Today’s verse is about guilt:

Generous in love-God, give grace! Huge in mercy-wipe out my bad record. Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry; my sins are staring me down. Psalm 51: 1-3

Spiritual Gifts!

Summer Fun!

Summer days! I love summer. I love the fact that we have no set schedule. Waking up late. Letting the girls play or read without having to go anywhere or do anything. These are my favourite days. Yes there are still things that we need to get done every day, but the schedule is much more relaxed then during the school year. In the summer the girls have chores to do in the morning which helps take a few things off my list every day. But once chores are done we are free. The girls tend to spend most afternoons in the pool these days. Today they didn’t even get out of their swim suits. While they splash I enjoy working in my garden or sitting next to the pool with a good book. Maybe I finally found the secret to less laundry. I also love summer evenings, often we do something as a family. Tonight we went to the library and out for ice-cream. I love that we can do these things together. I know many moms who don’t enjoy summer vacation because they can’t keep their children busy during the summer days. Maybe I got lucky, that my children are happy to play, or maybe I just enjoy my kids. For this I’m very thankful for. I enjoy these days. I also know that these days are numbered, before long my kids won’t want to spend time as a family. They don’t stay young for long. I can’t wait till tomorrow so we can do this all over again. My family is awesome and I love them.

Today was another wonderful summer day, we had a busy day of sun. We went to the spray park with a group of friends and their children. It was a great time. We talked, and laughed and watched our children play together. It made me think that I’ve spent more time with my friends already this summer then I did all last summer. Not that last summer was bad, we were just busy, busy camping. We were gone every weekend for the whole summer. We decided that we wouldn’t do as much this year and although it feels like we are wasting our trailer, I am enjoying spending the extra time with my friends. I miss my friends and although when we are busy I don’t have the energy to spend time around other people I do miss them. So I’ve enjoyed this first week of summer. I’m looking forward to many more days like today.

ME! Sometimes I worry about me.

Today’s thoughts waiver to myself. I have a meet and greet with a new doctor tomorrow. Meeting a new doctor makes me nervous. There are several reasons that doctors make me nervous. First it’s because I’m not an ‘averagely’ built person. I’m short and a little wide, although I’ve been trying my hardest to change the latter. On top of that I have large bones for a person of my size, and they are dense, I also have more muscle then most women. Half of my body weight is muscle and bones. Not all doctors can see this. Most look at my BMI and say you need to lose weight, work harder. The next thing I’m nervous about is the fact that I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), this is an unfortunate thing that makes my body to not work very well. My hormones are all out of whack, which messes with everything, my insulin doesn’t do what it’s supposed to which makes my body react as if I have diabetes. Also this causes my body to have a hard time losing weight, which doesn’t help the wide issue I mentioned earlier.  The last thing I’m nervous about is that a year ago I lost the best doctor that I have ever had. Not only did she listen to me but she did everything she could to help me. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her. The doctor that I got after her wasn’t even close to as good, she looked at my BMI and called me obese. Although according to my BMI that is exactly what I am, I don’t feel I look obese nor do I feel obese. But she couldn’t see pass it. So tomorrow I meet this new doctor and I hope she’s as open minded and willing to help me as my previous doctor. These are the thoughts that cloud my head tonight.

 The next day.......

So I had my doctor’s appointment this afternoon and let me tell you I had no reason to worry. I think I might have hit the doctor’s jackpot once again. She was so kind. She never once mentioned my weight, except to congratulate me on the amount that has disappeared over the last year. I told her I hadn't lost much in the last few months and she said that I was a busy mom and not to fret. She said that I was a mom of 3 and that in itself was enough and she understood that its not easy when you have younger children. She told me many times that I was young and things were good. She also told me not to worry about something my previous doctor was worried about.  She said that she didn’t want to waste government money with unneeded appointments, so to only bring my kids in when they needed to see her. She asked me if I saw a doctor for yearly checkups when I was little. I said no. She replied, and you’re still alive! I laughed, so simple. She said you’ll know when something is wrong and then I’ll be more than happy to take care of whatever it is you need. The thing that she said that made me the happiest is that you can’t treat a patient just by what’s on paper but you have to consider the person themselves when giving a diagnosis. Since my biggest concern was the fact that I don’t fit into a lot of what the medical sees as normal this statement made me feel reassured that she was going to be a good fit for me and my family.

This verse seems very fitting for today:

Worry weighs us down; a cheerful word picks us up! Proverbs 12:25

Being 4 forever!

Being a 4 year old. As I sit here and watch my daughter play I wish that I could remember what it was like to be 4. She seems to have so much fun. She lives in this fantasy world that involves changing her outfit every 5 minutes. One minute she’s Queen Elsa, the next she’s Belle, or Ariel and then the next she will be Darth Vader or Spiderman. I love watching her imagination at work. I also love the fact that she doesn’t feel that she needs to stick to the princesses. She loves to pretend to use the force just as much as she does to freeze the world like Elsa. I also love the commitment that she gives to each role. When she comes up in her pink princess dress she walks like a princess, talks like a princess and acts like a princess. Because in her mind she is now a princess. This makes me think about her future, and what this means for her. Is she destined to be an actress or maybe a model? Although I don’t think as a parent we should limit our children when they are learning and planning what they’d like to be when they grow up, but at the same time I want them to be routed in some reality and I know that being either and actor or model isn’t something that many people actually achieve. Plus the life isn’t for everyone. Though she does enjoy being in charge and bossing people around so maybe she’d enjoy that type of life.

Back to being 4. I love the way she carelessly goes about her day. She’s so happy to sit and play with her toys for hours and hours. It makes me miss the simpler life. She loves the days when her sisters are at school and she gets the toys all to herself, yet when they come home she is happy to follow them around the house and play whatever they’d like her too. She constantly is wishing she could be bigger so she could go to school and be more like her big sisters, and I wish I could make time stand still so she never has to grow up.

I’m loving her being 4, she’s just independent enough that she can do things for herself, most recently she learned how to do up the buckles of her car seat, but yet she’s still little enough that she wants me to cuddle her every morning after her sister’s leave for school. Since she is my baby I’m trying to cherish each stage she’s in, trying to keep her little for as long as possible. No matter how much she wants to be big, I want her to stay little. God was kind enough to help grant me this, as she is tiny. Although she’s 4 ½ she still barely weighs over 30lbs. I love that my baby is my tiniest child it helps be keep her little.

When I was a new mother many years ago I was always wishing my oldest daughter would get bigger and be able to do more things and then I realized before you know it she’s half grown up and you don’t actually enjoy it. So I’ve learned from that mistake again and plan to keep my baby, my baby for as long as she’ll let me. I will cuddle her as much as she needs and I will hold her when she cried. I will let her sleep with me when she has a bad dream or when she’s sick. These are the moments I’ll hold onto when she does inevitably grows up. I will not tell her to grow up or stop acting like a baby, because I now know that it will happen with or without me wanting it too no matter what.

Dear child, if you become wise, I’ll be one happy parent. My heart will dance and sing to the tuneful truth you’ll speak. Proverbs 23 15-16