New adventure ahead! All prayers welcome

It been a while since I last wrote. Why you may ask? Well we’ve been crazy busy since school started again. Both girls are doing well in school and all 3 have started skating and are doing fantastic this year. But that’s not what’s been keeping me the busiest. I guess I should start from the beginning, in August Keith and I decided we were going to begin a local adoption. We contacted our local social worker only to find out she was going on leave for 5 weeks, but that we could work on our paperwork for the home study portion of the application process so that when she did get back from leave we could jump right in. So that’s exactly what we did, we went and got our intervention, criminal and medical checks done. The next step was attending a 3 day training course in Red Deer 2 weekends ago. That’s when all the crazy really started. We arranged to have someone take the girls for the weekend and put the dogs into the kennel and off we went. We had no idea what the course was about or what to expect. Day one both Keith and I were super frustrated because we were there for adoption but everything was focused on fostering. But the information was good and we found a lot helpful. Day two came and by the end of the day we were more confused than ever, we still wanted to adopt but had some mixed feelings about whether we should adopt of maybe foster. Keith and I spent the whole evening talking and discussing what we should do, but no decision was made. Day three was more of the same, we were both very confused. I was very open to the idea of fostering but Keith was more on the fence. So we came home and did a lot more talking. Our adoption social worker was back so I talked to her about our dilemma. She suggested we meet with the foster care worker for our area, so we set up a meeting. We had a great meet and greet with our worker and she herself is a foster parent. At this point I was convinced that we should foster but Keith still wasn’t 100% yet. We did some more talking we shared with a few key people and asked for prayer, guidance and clarity. We asked many questions of both the local worker as well as the trainer from CSS. In what seemed to be whorl wind week we then decided and summited our official application to become a foster home, and all the other paperwork.  Then I started going crazy trying to get our house ready for the inspection, which happened yesterday. So now we the next step is we wait for our home study writer to come and start the long process of writing all about our lives. From our childhood to our lives now, and every detail in between. This is around a 60 day process and then at the end we will get licenced, if everything goes smoothly. I’m feeling really nervous because this is something I really want but my self-doubt makes me feel like we won’t get approved. But I have so much love to give and there’s nothing I want more then to open our home and my heart to a child or children out there who have had it rough. So we need lots of prayer, first that the process goes smoothly and quickly. Second, if we don’t get approved that my disappointment won’t be more then I can handle. Thirdly that if we do get approved that God prepares our hearts for whoever we will bring into our homes, that we will be patient and understanding with whatever the child has been through.

We hope someday to still adopt, but for now fostering is where our hearts are and where God wants us to be right now, and where we believe we can do the most for children out there who desperately need a loving, safe home for a little while or a long while.

Say A Prayer For me Tonight!

I can’t sleep tonight. I have so many things running through my head. So many things these days seem out of my control. So if you know me at all you know that I don’t like it when there are things that I can’t control. Generally I have figured out a way to control most things in my life. But every once in a while there’s things I can’t, and right now there’s a lot which means I don’t sleep.

What you ask is keeping me awake these days. Well my kids mostly. Getting back into the school routine has been hard on everyone, myself included. I want to make life easier for my kids, but I can’t. They need to learn how to be a part of the world on their own. My oldest daughter had a really hard day last week, to the point where she was crying and I wanted to just take her in my arms and tell that I could make it all better, but I couldn’t! My middle daughter is back at square one! We had come so far last year, but the summer undid all that and now when she get’s home from school, she’s a wreck! There’s also a bug unknown in our future and as much as I like to control things, I also don’t like the unknown. I know in God’s will it will all work out and his timing is always right, but waiting is hard. Also not knowing how long we are going to be waiting is even harder. My kids ask me questions everyday about the unknown in our future and I want to be able to settle their uncertainties but I can’t. All I can say is that it will happen someday.

So despite that fact that I was so excaused earlier that I couldn’t wait to get into bed tonight, I now sit here typing instead of sleeping because I don’t have control. I also know that God knows my future and he will take care of me and my family and this is something that I need to give to him, but my sinful nature wants to hold onto these fears. My sinful nature doesn’t want to let me let it go!

So tonight I ask for your prayers, to help me be strong in the ways that I am weak. I pray that God will help calm my brain so I can sleep, because without sleep tonight I won’t be able to get through tomorrow. So for all these things I ask in HI

Getting back into shape!

I can’t believe its September already. Today was the girls third day back in school. So far they are both doing well. Today also marked the third day that I started working out again. Back in January of this year I started a workout routine using the Fitstar app. It was going really well too, for a while. Then in April we went on a 3 week vacation. I felt so good, I had been working out 4 or 5 times a week for 3 months. I was in better shape than I had been in since the birth of my youngest daughter over 4 years before. I was determined despite having to take a break for the trip that I would get back to it when we got back. I tried, I really did, but it didn’t work and then summer came and everything went out the window. I tried to stay active, walking or biking at least 3 times a week, but that wasn’t enough. I also enjoyed more snacks during the summer.

Well I decided that once the girls were back in school I no longer had an excuse to not work out, so Tuesday after the girls were dropped off I got back to it. Man, it was hard! I’ve lost so much of what I had gained. My body feels old and weak again. It makes me so upset that I let it happen, but now that I realize the difference I feel even more motivated to get it back. I still haven’t been able to overcome a pre-pregnancy weight and I really want to say that I have accomplished that.

So today is day 3!  When I woke up this morning I was tired, my body isn’t used to getting up at 7 anymore. Even after my coffee I still felt tired, which meant I didn’t want to work out at all let alone do one of my most hated workouts. But about half way through my workout I realized that I wasn’t as tired as when I started. Yes I was out of breath and my muscles were hurting, but my brain felt less fuzzy and my eyes weren't as heavy feeling.  So why was today’s work out one of my most hated, you ask, well that’s because it involved a lot of cardio. Now I have too much fat on my body, and it all jiggles when I do any type of cardio which isn’t a great feeling, but on top of carrying more weight then I should I also have mild asthma, which is exasperated by the extra weight I carry. So cardio is hard. I can’t run because after only a minute or two I have to stop, because I can’t breathe. Well I did a cardio heavy work out today. It was hard! I had to stop midway through many times to catch my breath, but I finished it!

Today feels like a win! Tomorrow I will go again. I’m hoping that my body quickly remembers what it’s like to work out every day and I start to see results in the next couple of weeks, but we will see. I’m determined to not only get into better shape and better health but to also lose some inches and pounds that have found me this summer.

I would love to hear from my readers what you do to stay active?

Back to the real world!

Well it seems like just yesterday I was writing about the beginning of summer and now in what seems like a blink of the eye summer is almost over. It is now the 27^th of august and my kids go back to school next Tuesday! It’s crazy, but I feel like summer goes back quicker and quicker each year.

 Did you do everything you wanted to this summer? I know I didn’t! We were very busy, like usual! So I feel like I didn’t get enough time just at home with my family. You know reading in the backyard and being lazy while the kids play in the pool. Those types of days. We really didn’t go anywhere this summer either. After 3 weeks in the trailer this spring we felt that we had spent enough time on the road for one year so we planned to have a stay at home summer. We did take the trailer out twice, plus had friends borrow it for a few days and we had company stay in it for a week, so it still got plenty of use.

So if we didn’t spend the summer camping, how exactly did we spend it? Well, June and July was spent doing a lot of projects. We worked in our backyard many weekends, trying to make it look nice. August started out with having company and then from there on just flew by with b2s preparations and church and finally VBS this last week. We our currently spending this last weekend of Aug in the beautiful Rocky Mountains. One of my favourite places in the world.  I love stepping outside and seeing the magnificent mountains all around. This spring we took a 3 week road trip through, Montana all the way down to Arizona and then into California and up through B.C. We spent 3 weeks looking at different types of mountains but nothing compares to coming home to the Rocky’s! What’s your favourite place to be?

Are you someone who looks forward to the beginning of a new school year? I say this presuming most of my readers are moms, if you’re not a mom I’d be interested in knowing what part of the year is your favourite? I enjoy summer or when the kids aren’t in school. I enjoy being able to have more flexibilities and to be able to sleep in some days. But I do enjoy the routine that b2s brings to our life. Although I don’t like getting up at 7, it does make my day a lot more productive when I’m ready by 8, instead of the days I sleep in.

This year will be my oldest daughter last year in her current school. It’s seems crazy that they go to middle school in grade 6, but that’s what happens where we live. My middle daughter is going into grade 2. I’m curious how she will do with a new teacher? She’s often resistant to change and loved her grade one teacher a lot. My youngest daughter won’t be in school at all, she is old enough for kindergarten this year, but since her birthday is at the end of November I’m going to keep her home one more year. I’m planning on doing some preschool type activities with her this year since she really would like to go to school like her sisters do. Sometimes it’s hard being the youngest! Though, this is actually the first year she’s upset about being left at home. Most year’s by the time school starts again she can’t wait for her sister’s to leave so she can have all the toys to herself again!

Red zone reaction!

What’s your anxiety red zone? First let’s define a red zone. It’s what you do when you are panicking. There are 3 different types of zones. First is the green zone, that when everything is normal and all is well. Second is yellow, that’s when things aren’t quite as normal and you are starting to feel uncomfortable. Third is red, and that’s when things are out of control and you no longer are ok!

Now just like zones there are 3 different types of response to a red zone situation. First is flight, pretty much which means you run away from the situation. Second is fight, which means you start there and face the situation and fight whatever the situation is. This might be physical or verbal fighting. The third type of red zone reaction is freeze, this means your body goes into shut down mode. For some people that can mean literally freezing, so they can’t respond or move, for other’s it can mean they become passive and compliment even though they aren’t ok with the situation around them.

Now for myself I am a flight person. When I’m in a situation where I’m in my red zone, the only thing I can think about it running away, far, far away. When I was little and I would get into a fight with my parents I would run out into the field and I had a special spot where I would sit and think and eventually calm down. I think the reason I run is because during times of red zone I can’t think clearly my brain is all jumbled up and I need to get away. I need to be somewhere where I am alone and it is quiet. This was also the situation when my husband and I were first married. When we would argue or disagree I would need to leave. Now since I no longer lived on my childhood farm, I couldn’t go and think in my usual spot, but I found going to a walk had the same effect. It wouldn’t take long and my thoughts would become clearer and my judgement would become more logical. Now as a productive adult I know I can’t run away from all situations that I don’t like, so I’ve learned to adjust. But inside I still want to run! As I get older I also find that I'm in unpredictable situations less and less so I don't often get into a red zone situation. 

Now for my children now of them have got the flight instinct like I do. My older two are fighters. When they hit there red zone they yell scream and fight! My oldest daughter is physical fighter, when she hits her red zone area she wants to hurt whatever is making her uncomfortable in the current situation. My second daughter is more of an emotional fighter she’s going to cry and yell at the situation rather than try and hit you.

My youngest daughter is a freezer. Her red zone is the easiest to deal with because she just becomes this compliant, well behaved, quiet girl. But recently we were in a situation I could tell she was scared, but since she is just so compliant when she’s in her red zone, when I asked if it was ok for me to leave she replied yes and then I left. Later that day I was thinking about her reaction and was wondering if maybe it’s not healthy to ignore her emotions just because she’s not forcing you to deal with them because she’s so quiet. So the next day we had the same situation, but when she replied that she was ok, I asked her again and on the second questioning she started to cry and said no. So we talked about it a bit and I stayed with her until she was comfortable enough for me to leave.

What’s your default red zone? How do you deal with your children with their red zone response?

My anxiety moment!

What do you do as a parent your kids don’t need you anymore. I’ve been watching a show on Netflix called A Typical, it’s been an interesting show to watch. It’s about a family who has a child on the spectrum and now the kids are partly grown and the mom is trying to figure herself out now that her kids don’t need her as much anymore. It makes me think what will I do when my kids are older and don’t need me. They already don't need me as much as they used too. I don't need to feed them or dress them. The older two can go to school by themselves. They are my whole life! They have become my whole identity. I don’t have a career, all my friends have kids my friends age and I wonder sometimes if they didn’t have kids would we still be friends.

How do you become your own person again? How do you know who you truly are without your kids?

The whole concept of my kids growing up and not needing me anymore scares me more then I’d like to admit.

A couple days ago I posted about my middle daughters anxiety and this is one of mine. It makes me so scared I wish it didn’t.

Please share your anxiety trails. How did you overcome them? How old are children? How have you dealt with them being less dependent on you?

Anxious Moments

We had an incident last night and I thought I wonder how other people deal with this? So my middle daughter needed to take a pill last night and although she has taken this pill before without issues, there was anxiety about it because it had been a few months since the last time she took it.

 

So here’s the situation. I call her upstairs and as soon as she realizes that I’ve asked her to come upstairs because she needed to take a pill she started to get upset and cry. Now originally when she started these pills we had similar issues and spent a few days struggling with her to take them. Eventually she overcame her anxiety and learned that it wasn’t so bad. Well that was a while ago and it made yesterday like starting from scratch. She was so anxious about taking her pill that she worked herself into complete panic mode. I tried everything that I could think of to help her. I tried being logical, explaining that she had done it before therefore it wouldn’t be hard. It didn’t help. I tried reassuring her by talking to her calmly and that didn’t help. I tried asking her why she was so nervous about this, and although she answered me it didn’t help her take the pill. I tried building her up by telling her I knew she could do it and tried to get her to tell herself that she could do it. She did that, between sobs of tears. I tried counting down from five, saying that on one she would take the pill, she didn’t. I tried getting tough with her and telling her to just do it already!  I even tried bribing her. But nothing seemed to work. She was so upset and scared and she actually made herself dizzy. At this point she hadn’t even got to the point of putting the pill in her mouth for fear of failing.

Now although I seemed fairly calm from any observers point of view I was going crazy inside. Because how could she be upset over something so simple, especially something we had concurred before. But since I know anxiety isn't something rational I did my best to keep my thoughts inside! 

After what seemed to be far too long, she did put the pill in her mouth and swallowed it on the first try, therefor proving my point that it wasn’t going to be a big deal and she therefore could do it.

So in conclusion, do you have children who battle anxiety over particular tasks? What have you found has helped them overcome their fears?

God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears! Psalm 34:4

No Thoughts, turn into deep thoughts!

I haven’t had a lot of thoughts on my mind of late. Things here have been busy. I’ve worked a lot of days and spent the weekend being busier then I’d like. What are some things you like to do on weekends? I’d rather spend my weekends at home being lazy, but some members of my family would rather go out, so a lot of times we go out. This weekend was no exception! We spent most of the weekend out between family, church and then a date day. Which was so nice, but was still out. I’m 97% introverted according to a test I took, which just means I need more time to recharge then even  other introverts do. This becomes hard when a couple members of my family are extroverted and want to be out a lot of the time, plus with 3 kids lives makes life very busy. Thankfully unlike some introverts I am able to recharge at home with my family, I don’t need to be completely alone. Are you introverted or extroverted? Do you need to spend time alone or would you rather be out with other people? I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last few months. I took a personality test that splits people into 16 different personality types and although I was skeptical at first after I finished the test I couldn’t believe how accurate it was. It classified me as an ISFJ. The ‘I’ stands for Introverted, ‘S’ for Sensing, ‘F’ for Feeling and ‘J’ for Judging.

      Here’s a break down for all the different combinations:  

Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I),

their preference of one of the two functions of perception:

      Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N),

and their preference of one of the two functions of judging:

      Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)

The three areas of preferences introduced by Jung are dichotomies (i.e. bipolar dimensions where each pole represents a different preference). Jung also proposed that in a person one of the four functions above is dominant – either a function of perception or a function of judging. Isabel Briggs Myers, a researcher and practitioner of Jung’s theory, proposed to see the judging-perceiving relationship as a fourth dichotomy influencing personality type [Briggs Myers, 1980]:

      Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)

The first criterion, Extraversion – Introversion, signifies the source and direction of a person’s energy expression. An extravert’s source and direction of energy expression is mainly in the external world, while an introvert has a source of energy mainly in their own internal world.

The second criterion, Sensing – Intuition, represents the method by which someone perceives information. Sensing means that a person mainly believes information he or she receives directly from the external world. Intuition means that a person believes mainly information he or she receives from the internal or imaginative world.

The third criterion, Thinking – Feeling, represents how a person processes information. Thinking means that a person makes a decision mainly through logic. Feeling means that, as a rule, he or she makes a decision based on emotion, i.e. based on what they feel they should do.

The fourth criterion, Judging – Perceiving, reflects how a person implements the information he or she has processed. Judging means that a person organizes all of his life events and, as a rule, sticks to his plans. Perceiving means that he or she is inclined to improvise and explore alternative options.

A glimpse of all 16 different personality types

All possible permutations of preferences in the 4 dichotomies above yield 16 different combinations, or personality types, representing which of the two poles in each of the four dichotomies dominates in a person, thus defining 16 different personality types. Each personality type can be assigned a 4 letter acronym of corresponding combination of preferences: Reference Link

Are you interested which type you are? From reading the descriptions do you already have an idea? Here's a link to take the test free. It only takes about 12 minutes. MBTI Test 

Some fun random facts about my personality type:

Celebrities who share this type with me: From history we have a few, but these 3 stood out to me the most, Mother Teresa, George W. Bush, Rosa Parks. More current famous ISFJ's are, Bruce Willis, Halle Berry, Kate Middleton, just to name a few. 

ISFJ's as a whole we are shy and reserved. We generally take life to seriously. We are very loyal and devoted. It's said we are the behind-the-scene "glue" for organizations and groups. We are knowns for remembering specifics, names and faces. We are caring, sympathetic and want to help but do not need the kudos. We may even be suspicious of those who try to confer compliments on us. 

Did you take the test? If you did comment with what type you are. This has become a great interest for me and I've learned many things about myself through the exploration of my type and would love to know more about the types of people who read my blog. 

Mom with ADHD?

Today as I drink my morning coffee I think once again about myself. There has been a lot of self-reflection lately. This morning’s thoughts are about my intelligence. I’ve never thought I was very smart, in fact most of my life I thought I was downright stupid. Not because I was told that, just because that’s how I felt. I was average in school, but I struggled. I had a hard time concentrating on what my teacher’s said and an even harder time during tests. I found I could only concentrate for no more than 20 minutes or so during a test. This is why I felt stupid. I presumed that because I just wasn’t smart enough to concentrate like other people did, or like I was supposed too. 

It wasn’t until a couple of years ago when doing research on ADHD did I realize that I very likely had trouble in school and in work because I had this condition. What, You say? Isn't ADHD some kids have? Isn’t ADHD those kids in school who are bouncing off the walls? Yes it is, but it’s also a lot of other things! So to explain these other things first I need to explain what ADHD is exactly. So simply ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. So the kids who were bouncing off the walls in school that’s the hyperactivity part of the disorder. But there are so many other elements to it. Here is what wedmd has to say about ADHD Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) affects children and teens and can continue into adulthood. ADHD is the most commonly diagnosed mental disorder of children. Children with ADHD may be hyperactive and unable control their impulses. Or they may have trouble paying attention. These behaviors interfere with school and home life. It’s more common in boys than in girls. It’s usually discovered during the early school years, when a child begins to have problems paying attention. Adults with ADHD may have trouble managing time, being organized, setting goals, and holding down a job. They may also have problems with relationships, self-esteem, and addiction. Reference Link

So the most common symptom of ADHD is the hyperactivity, those are the kids in school who couldn’t sit still and were bouncing off the walls. Those are the kids most likely to get diagnosed. The second most common symptom is Inattention. This means a child is easily distracted, can’t follow directions or makes mistakes, lose things and tends to daydream, just to name a few. The next symptom is impulsivity, which means a child has trouble waiting for his or her turn, interrupts or blurts things out. Now this simply is the most common symptoms and usually this shows up in boys. Girls with ADHD display their symptoms much differently.

20 Possible Signs of ADHD in Girls

1. Difficulty maintaining focus, easily distracted 
2. Shifting focus from one activity to another difficult one
3. Disorganized and messy (in her appearance and physical space)
4. Forgetful 
5. Problems completing tasks 
6. Daydreaming and in a world of her own 
7. Takes time to process information and directions (It may even appear that she doesn't hear you) 
8. Looks to be making "careless" mistakes
9. Often late (poor time management) 
10. Hyper-talkative (Always has lots to say but is not good at listening)
11. Hyperactivity
12. Verbally impulsive; blurts out and interrupts others
13. Seems to get easily upset 
14. Highly  sensitive to noise, fabrics, and emotions
15. Doesn’t seem motivated
16. Doesn’t appear to be trying 
17. Seems shy
18. Appears withdrawn
19. Cries easily
20. Might often slam her doors shut (Reference Link)  I feel that added to this list should be feeling of inadequacy and self doubt

So as I read this list I think about how I was in school. Many of these items apply to me then and now still. So what does this mean? Well first of all it means I’m not actually as dumb as I thought. It also means that I may have to change try different things in order to accomplish what a ‘normal’ person can do. I read a great article about how to cope with ADHD, the article was called secrets of your ADHD brain. Reference Link In the article she explains that in her research she discovered that people with ADHD have a unique and special creation that regulates attention and emotions in different ways than the nervous system in those with the condition. She explains that because of this people with ADHD need to figure out what does motivate them and then try and apply it to the areas of their lives that are lacking motivation. For me I’m motivated by what I feel is required of me. So I only clean my house when company comes over because I think that’s what they expect. In a job situation I’m motivated by a boss who appreciates my job and lets me know. I’m also motivated by a job that is activates my brain. She also said that people with ADHD have been found to have a higher IQ on average. So that led me to look for an IQ test. Like I said before in school I thought I was stupid, now that I know that’s not the case, I was curious what my IQ was actually. So that led me to find a short IQ test to see where I actually fall. I couldn’t believe my results. According to this test I took I have an IQ of 124, which means I’m gifted. This was a huge shock. I don’t feel smart still, but maybe that’s the self-doubt of having to deal with ADHD most of my life has instilled in my brain. Free IQ Test

I have learned more about myself in my 32 year of life then in all the other 31 years combined. It’s crazy what a little research will find, and when you think you’re just broken actually might be that there’s a medical reason for all of it.

Mom Guilt!

Mom Guilt! It's an awful feeling. Have you ever experienced mom guilt? If so how did you get over it? Read my post below to understand about my Mom guilt! 

We had an incident in our house the other day and it left me feeling like the worst mom ever. One of our children got

left behind, completely unintentionally. The worst part was that we didn’t even realize that she wasn’t with the rest of us for far too long. Has anything like this happened to you before? It was the worst feeling in the world realizing that my child had been gone and I didn’t notice. Now I feel awful and I was to give her anything she asks for! I don’t want to let her out of my sight, not even for a second. I feel so guilty! My child seems relatively unaffected by the incident, yes she was scared, but seems ok now. I keep telling myself this but I still feel guilty. I’ve always been a highly sensitive person and always take things to heart more then I should. But I don’t know how to get over this feeling. I wish I could go back and change it so she was never left in the first place but I can’t. I know I can’t! I also know that what’s done is done and there’s no changing it, and if I give in to her every wish because of this incident that I’m not going to be able to remain strong with her sisters.  What have you done in the past as a parent that you’ve regretted? How did you get over feeling like you were the worst parent that ever lived? I suppose time is probably the best medicine in this case but at the moment it’s still very fresh still. My child has forgiven me, and now I just have to figure out how to forgive myself.

Today’s verse is about guilt:

Generous in love-God, give grace! Huge in mercy-wipe out my bad record. Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry; my sins are staring me down. Psalm 51: 1-3

Spiritual Gifts!

Summer Fun!

Summer days! I love summer. I love the fact that we have no set schedule. Waking up late. Letting the girls play or read without having to go anywhere or do anything. These are my favourite days. Yes there are still things that we need to get done every day, but the schedule is much more relaxed then during the school year. In the summer the girls have chores to do in the morning which helps take a few things off my list every day. But once chores are done we are free. The girls tend to spend most afternoons in the pool these days. Today they didn’t even get out of their swim suits. While they splash I enjoy working in my garden or sitting next to the pool with a good book. Maybe I finally found the secret to less laundry. I also love summer evenings, often we do something as a family. Tonight we went to the library and out for ice-cream. I love that we can do these things together. I know many moms who don’t enjoy summer vacation because they can’t keep their children busy during the summer days. Maybe I got lucky, that my children are happy to play, or maybe I just enjoy my kids. For this I’m very thankful for. I enjoy these days. I also know that these days are numbered, before long my kids won’t want to spend time as a family. They don’t stay young for long. I can’t wait till tomorrow so we can do this all over again. My family is awesome and I love them.

Today was another wonderful summer day, we had a busy day of sun. We went to the spray park with a group of friends and their children. It was a great time. We talked, and laughed and watched our children play together. It made me think that I’ve spent more time with my friends already this summer then I did all last summer. Not that last summer was bad, we were just busy, busy camping. We were gone every weekend for the whole summer. We decided that we wouldn’t do as much this year and although it feels like we are wasting our trailer, I am enjoying spending the extra time with my friends. I miss my friends and although when we are busy I don’t have the energy to spend time around other people I do miss them. So I’ve enjoyed this first week of summer. I’m looking forward to many more days like today.

ME! Sometimes I worry about me.

Today’s thoughts waiver to myself. I have a meet and greet with a new doctor tomorrow. Meeting a new doctor makes me nervous. There are several reasons that doctors make me nervous. First it’s because I’m not an ‘averagely’ built person. I’m short and a little wide, although I’ve been trying my hardest to change the latter. On top of that I have large bones for a person of my size, and they are dense, I also have more muscle then most women. Half of my body weight is muscle and bones. Not all doctors can see this. Most look at my BMI and say you need to lose weight, work harder. The next thing I’m nervous about is the fact that I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), this is an unfortunate thing that makes my body to not work very well. My hormones are all out of whack, which messes with everything, my insulin doesn’t do what it’s supposed to which makes my body react as if I have diabetes. Also this causes my body to have a hard time losing weight, which doesn’t help the wide issue I mentioned earlier.  The last thing I’m nervous about is that a year ago I lost the best doctor that I have ever had. Not only did she listen to me but she did everything she could to help me. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her. The doctor that I got after her wasn’t even close to as good, she looked at my BMI and called me obese. Although according to my BMI that is exactly what I am, I don’t feel I look obese nor do I feel obese. But she couldn’t see pass it. So tomorrow I meet this new doctor and I hope she’s as open minded and willing to help me as my previous doctor. These are the thoughts that cloud my head tonight.

 The next day.......

So I had my doctor’s appointment this afternoon and let me tell you I had no reason to worry. I think I might have hit the doctor’s jackpot once again. She was so kind. She never once mentioned my weight, except to congratulate me on the amount that has disappeared over the last year. I told her I hadn't lost much in the last few months and she said that I was a busy mom and not to fret. She said that I was a mom of 3 and that in itself was enough and she understood that its not easy when you have younger children. She told me many times that I was young and things were good. She also told me not to worry about something my previous doctor was worried about.  She said that she didn’t want to waste government money with unneeded appointments, so to only bring my kids in when they needed to see her. She asked me if I saw a doctor for yearly checkups when I was little. I said no. She replied, and you’re still alive! I laughed, so simple. She said you’ll know when something is wrong and then I’ll be more than happy to take care of whatever it is you need. The thing that she said that made me the happiest is that you can’t treat a patient just by what’s on paper but you have to consider the person themselves when giving a diagnosis. Since my biggest concern was the fact that I don’t fit into a lot of what the medical sees as normal this statement made me feel reassured that she was going to be a good fit for me and my family.

This verse seems very fitting for today:

Worry weighs us down; a cheerful word picks us up! Proverbs 12:25

Being 4 forever!

Being a 4 year old. As I sit here and watch my daughter play I wish that I could remember what it was like to be 4. She seems to have so much fun. She lives in this fantasy world that involves changing her outfit every 5 minutes. One minute she’s Queen Elsa, the next she’s Belle, or Ariel and then the next she will be Darth Vader or Spiderman. I love watching her imagination at work. I also love the fact that she doesn’t feel that she needs to stick to the princesses. She loves to pretend to use the force just as much as she does to freeze the world like Elsa. I also love the commitment that she gives to each role. When she comes up in her pink princess dress she walks like a princess, talks like a princess and acts like a princess. Because in her mind she is now a princess. This makes me think about her future, and what this means for her. Is she destined to be an actress or maybe a model? Although I don’t think as a parent we should limit our children when they are learning and planning what they’d like to be when they grow up, but at the same time I want them to be routed in some reality and I know that being either and actor or model isn’t something that many people actually achieve. Plus the life isn’t for everyone. Though she does enjoy being in charge and bossing people around so maybe she’d enjoy that type of life.

Back to being 4. I love the way she carelessly goes about her day. She’s so happy to sit and play with her toys for hours and hours. It makes me miss the simpler life. She loves the days when her sisters are at school and she gets the toys all to herself, yet when they come home she is happy to follow them around the house and play whatever they’d like her too. She constantly is wishing she could be bigger so she could go to school and be more like her big sisters, and I wish I could make time stand still so she never has to grow up.

I’m loving her being 4, she’s just independent enough that she can do things for herself, most recently she learned how to do up the buckles of her car seat, but yet she’s still little enough that she wants me to cuddle her every morning after her sister’s leave for school. Since she is my baby I’m trying to cherish each stage she’s in, trying to keep her little for as long as possible. No matter how much she wants to be big, I want her to stay little. God was kind enough to help grant me this, as she is tiny. Although she’s 4 ½ she still barely weighs over 30lbs. I love that my baby is my tiniest child it helps be keep her little.

When I was a new mother many years ago I was always wishing my oldest daughter would get bigger and be able to do more things and then I realized before you know it she’s half grown up and you don’t actually enjoy it. So I’ve learned from that mistake again and plan to keep my baby, my baby for as long as she’ll let me. I will cuddle her as much as she needs and I will hold her when she cried. I will let her sleep with me when she has a bad dream or when she’s sick. These are the moments I’ll hold onto when she does inevitably grows up. I will not tell her to grow up or stop acting like a baby, because I now know that it will happen with or without me wanting it too no matter what.

Dear child, if you become wise, I’ll be one happy parent. My heart will dance and sing to the tuneful truth you’ll speak. Proverbs 23 15-16

PROUD CANADIAN MOM!!

We are having a #Canada150 party this weekend which makes me think of things that make me feel proud to be Canadian. For me ,the biggest thing that makes me feel proud to be a Canadian is the fact that Canadian’s are known all over the world for being polite. I take being polite very seriously, which I didn’t even realize until my second daughter was barely talking but knew she needed to say thank you when given something.  I believe it’s something that is so simple to do but so easily overlooked. When someone brings you a drink at a restaurant you should say thank you, when you ask someone for something you should use please in the sentence. I also feel it’s very important to pass this ‘Canadian’ trait onto our children. A please and thank you go a long way in my books.

I’m proud to be Canadian because even though we are a vast country we stick together. When one part of our country is in need the whole country pitches in and sends aid as they are able. This isn’t just limited to our own country either, we pitch in and send aid where ever the need is. I believe it is important to give as much as you are able.

I’m proud to be Canadian because of our farmers. Having being raised on a farm and still live in a farming community, I know and understand how important these people are. Without farmers we wouldn’t have fresh meat, eggs, milk and many other things that we need to live. I love that Canada still has a large percentage of land that is used for agriculture. I love driving through that prairies during summer and fall and admiring the crops that I know the farmers have worked so hard to produce.

I’m proud to be Canadian because we 'strong and free'. I sometimes take for granted how free we are. We have freedom to do whatever we want. Whether it is with our speech, or our religion we are free to do as we want. As a Christian this is very important to me, because I hear of many places where people are still persecuted for following Christ. I’m so thankful that I don’t live in one of these places and that my children are free to follow Christ as well.

I am proud that in Canada we have free health care and that all children get an education. I feel that these two things are very important and need to be available for everyone. Education is so very important and it gives people better opportunities for the future. I also feel it’s very important to have access to health care no matter what. I can’t imagine living in a place where you need to calculate if you can afford to take your child to the ER or even just to the clinic. Where if you don’t have insurance hospitals can turn you away and if they do let you stay they can leave you with a bill so large that you might have to remortgage your house to pay for it.

As I type I realize I am VERY PROUD TO BE CANADIAN!!!!

Now onto the lighter stuff, what do I feel Canadians are known for!

Roll up the Rim for Canada's 

150th Birthday!

Thank you

Tim Hortons

Coffee is number one on my list. Especially Tim Hortons coffee, but just coffee itself. Did you know that Canada has more donut shops aka Tim Hortons per capita than any other country in the world.

Secondly our unique money. No pennies, Loonies and Toonies and our colourful bills. After spending 3 weeks in the United States it was one of the things that I missed about most about Canada, only second to Tim Hortons coffee.

Third would be hockey. Canadians are crazy about their hockey. When the Edmonton Oilers made it into the second round of the play offs this year I think half of Canada started watching. I know whenever Edmonton isn’t in the playoffs we always cheer for whatever Canadian team is left and once all the Canadian teams are done we really don’t care much anymore. It’s not just the NHL hockey teams that Canadians are crazy for, they go just as crazy for pretty much any type of hockey, doesn't matter the level or age of people playing.

Fourth would be our clean environment. There are many movies like Canadian Bacon that have made fun of the fact that Canada is so clean but it’s just an awesome thing to be known for. I love when we are out and about and my girls see some litter on the ground and they are just astonished that someone would have the audacity to litter. It not only makes be proud as a mother but also as a Canadian.

Are you Canadian? What makes you proud to be a Canadian? What do you feel is the most represents Canada?

I AM PROUD TO BE CANADIAN!!! HAPPY 150^th BIRTHDAY CANADA!

Normally I end my posts with a bible verse but this post I'm going to end it with my favourite line from our National Anthem. 

"God keep our Land"

This is my prayer for our country not just today, or tomorrow but for all days to come. 

Family Time! A thing of the past?

This weekend I have seen our future and I’m not sure I liked what I saw. Family time is something that’s always been very important to me. It’s something that I really enjoy and value. Spending time together as a family so far has been easy, as when you have little children they pretty much only do what you do. So most weekends we spend a lot of time together, well that wasn’t the case this weekend. Friday started with a date night for Keith and me, which was lovely, and the girls stayed over at their grandparents place. Keith and I enjoyed our time together including some shopping and an amazing supper out. Saturday morning we went and fetched the girls and brought them home. Saturday morning is always chore time at our house. Keith was outside busy building me a new patio, while the girls and I were inside getting the house clean. In the afternoon Becca had a birthday party and Emily was picked up to go to a sleepover with a friend. Once Keith was done his job we took Livy to the park since she was sad to be left behind. Sunday morning Keith was off to an xwing tournament and Emily was still at her friend’s house. As I sat and drank my coffee that morning I realized that yesterday morning was the only time our family was together all weekend and we didn’t spend any of that time actually together. I’m afraid as our children get older this will become a more regular occurrence on weekends. This is why I’m not looking forward to the future I want to always be able to spend time together on weekends but it may become harder and harder as the girls become more independent. Although this is the first weekend that this has happened and I’m sure we will have many more weekends together in the future I can’t help but think about the future of our family looks like. When the girls are teenagers are they still going to want to spend time with us? Will we still be able to sit together and have a family game night or a movie night together? I’m don’t enjoy the unknown and have a hard time with change and although I know that the girls growing up is ignitable it still makes me apprehensive for the future. I guess all I can really do is enjoy the time we still have together, make the most of it and pray that we’ve instilled strong family values into them and that when they are busy with their own lives they will still want to hang out with their parents.

The whole reason for my thoughts about our lack of time together as a family. The need to take this picture. 

How do you make sure you get enough family time?

I leave you with this verse:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Mathew 6:34

Thoughts over Coffee

This morning as I drink my coffee and the girls are getting ready for school. I think about the past year. Our girls have both worked hard this year. Becca has come a long way in grade one. I couldn’t be prouder of her achievements this year. She went into grade one with nearly no confidence in herself, but she’s learned that she is smart and she is capable of doing lots of things including reading and writing. Though we still struggle with her getting things done in a timely manner at home, but at school she does very well. I’m looking forward to what grade two holds for her. I also think about Emily she’s in grade 4 and although this year has been a struggle socially for her, as she has had some conflicts with a couple of students in her class and so it’s made it a daily struggle for her. She’s also struggled more intellectually then she has in the past years. Grade 4 was harder as it should be, but this year it caught up to her. But she’s also has friends, this is new for her as well. She’s had a friend or two in the past but this year she has a good core group of friends that she plays with every day. This is a huge things for her and makes me so happy as her mother. Although I still wish and pray for some Christian friends for her I’m thankful that she has found people who enjoy her company and she enjoys there’s. Emily mainly likes being with herself and so having friends isn’t always easy and I’m thankful for the ones she’s found.

As I sit here waiting for the girls to be ready for school this morning I think about summer. I think about what fun we are going to have this summer and the things we are going to do. Summer is my favourite time of year for many reasons. First, I enjoy my kids being home. I also enjoy sleeping in, summer is the time when we get to have time together as a family. I also enjoy watching my kids play together and become more then sisters but friends. It’s something I never had as kid, because my sisters were so much older than me they were never my friends. It wasn’t until we all became adults that we were able to start a friendship. My girls get more because they are friends already. I know they won’t always be this close but I think it’s very important that kids learn that their family are there friends. Because in life friends come and go, but family is always there. This summer I look forward to sitting on my deck drinking coffee and listening to my girls play together. I also look forward to the girls helping me with the house chores. Every year they get a little older and a little more helpful. Although I enjoy small children I’m really enjoying this new stage of maturity and helpfulness. Emily is now able to watch her sisters for a bit if I need to run out. She is also capable of taking some of the load off of me in regards to cleaning. I’m looking forward to her being able to help cook as well, but we aren’t there yet. Becca is also becoming more helpful, she does a good job with bathroom cleaning. I think it’s a good job for her because it’s a small room so it’s not as overwhelming as some of the other jobs. I know I haven’t talked much about my baby, but as the only child at home our day to day struggles are smaller. She’s a sweet child with soft personality until she’s unhappy and then she’s loud and stubborn.

Well Becca just came upstairs and told me that Emily is still in her pjs, did I mention that they need to leave in 5 minutes for school. Ugh………after all that about how great my kids are, they do still frustrate me. Emily is completely capable to getting ready for school very quickly but only if she wants too. Since school is done in 5 days she’s more than ready for summer, which means more struggles getting her to get herself ready in a timely manner in the morning. Although I completely understand it still makes me very frustrated. Why can’t she just get ready and then she gets some free time before school, this morning she went back to sleep, I guess. Which bring a whole new issue to light. School in June is so hard because the sun stays out so much later in the evening that it’s hard to get them to sleep on time, which means it’s harder to get them up in the morning.  

Well now the girls have left for school and once again I’m sitting her listening to Olivia do her device. She’s currently watching something on you tube for kids. My mornings are very quiet once the big girls go off to school, that will change at the end of next week.

What are you looking the most forward to this summer?

Today’s verse: Be patient, then brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sister, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door. Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. James 5:7-11